This is not a rant...well not really!

Okay...so one of the most important things I have learned  since going thru infertility is to be more aware of what I say and who I say it to. You know , like when you are trying to have a baby people are like..."Are yall ever going to have kids?"  or when people find out we have foster kids and an adopted child they say, "Do you have any of your own?" Well I adopted her, doesnt that make her my own???? Love the "Just relax! Then you will get prego." or "Just watch, you'll get prego after you adopt! It always happens that way."  Or.."So, who has the  problem, you or him?"   REALLY?????  To clarify, we both have the "problem", as we are married and share this journey together!! No matter how we relax or how many we adopt, pregnancy won't "just happen" for us, we are unable to get pregnant without treatment..period.  Sure we pray for miracles and I am sure for some people miracles happen naturally after years of trying but for us, our miracle or miracles will happen as a result of a successful treatment and there is nothing wrong with that, as I know and love many miracles conceived thru fertility procedures.
Now, I don't usually have pity parties for myself, as we've been going thru infertility for six years now, but it can be very challenging for me in particular to be in a room of women talking about pregnancy and how special it is...how it felt to feel the baby move, how hard it is to find cute maternity clothes, breast milk vs formula and of course vaginal vs csection? lol  As a nurse, I'm pretty helpful with some topics, but as an infertile woman, some topics are just void to me at this time, as I havent experienced it for myself. But , this is where faith comes in.....I can feel sad that I can't join in these conversations, feel angry that at age 34 I have yet to endure a successful pregnancy, but also feel joy, knowing that my God will provide the desires of our hearts, and yes, I and we feel so blessed to have our girls and to have loved and cared for so many babies, but of course the overwhelming desire to carry at least one successful pregnancy is prevalent in our minds and hearts....more in mine I would say, as a woman. 
The comments that are made around me are usually innocent, as noone really understands infertility unless they are , or have gone thru it but it's made me more aware of what I say to people....I dont ask if a couple is ever going to have kids and I don't say a child looks more like mom than dad or vice versa unless I know they didnt use fertility to get prego...as who knows if they used donor eggs, sperm or embryos?  With one simple comment to someone else, you can break their heart in a million pieces...thank God we can lean on Him and give him our hurts and desires.
Infertility is more prevalent nowadays....Rosie Pope on the reality show "Pregnant in Heels" has endured infertiliy and has been going thru IVF....the reality show "The Little Couple" are also going thru infertility and are going to be using a surrogate mom to carry their embryos.  There was a reality show awhile back that I watched," Quints by Surprise", awesome Christian family Ethan and Casey Jones, who used donor sperm and did IVF to produce quintuplets. And you can never forget "Jon and Kate Plus Eight" who did IUI's to conceive all of their kiddos due to infertility.  There are so many stories out there that aren't even spoke about that are enduring infertility...just makes you more cautious of what you say and how you say it. People ask me why I'm sharing our story....it's because I'm not ashamed of it. God has brought many so so so many blessings from infertility....I'll never be ashamed to share our story and yes, I have my husband's approval to do so...Matt is quiet in his struggle and no, he doesn't like talking about it, but he does realize that God has worked in this situation. If I can touch one person who needs it, be a support and inspiration as well, be used by God thru our journey, than we have succeeded.
Keep the faith!

MIA? I'm back!!!

Been away for awhile..guess life just got so crazy I neglected many things. Going to make this a quick update and will come back later on to go into more depth.

We adopted Elyssa Nov 2010..was one of the happiest days of my life, and Matt's as well. She is two now and will be three in Sept. Amazes me how fast she's grown and i've had to stop myself several times a day just to stare at her and enjoy the little lady she is becoming. I thank God every day for blessing us with Elyssa.

We received another foster baby last Sept and she was six months...we call her Emma. She had been VERY physically abused by her mom and had endured multiple skull fractures, hematomas in brain and had brain surgery....we call her a miracle baby as they said it is a miracle she is alive and doesnt show any developmental or physical delays or abnormalities. She just had her last cat scan and neuro appt at TX Children's and everything looked great!! We dont have to go back. Emma is one now, she turns two in March and she is just adorable...fits right in our family and we will be adopting her this November 18, 2011! Once again we feel so blessed to have her....and this picture above is Elyssa....I'm still trying to figure out how to post pics on here so bear with me!

We did our last insemination (IUI) last May 2010 and it resulted in a BFP..positive!! We have never been so happy!! Our first u/s at the doctor was around 4 weeks and we were excited...we saw the heartbeat around 6 weeks and I remember just looking at matt and saying "isn't that the coolest thing you've ever seen?" we both had tears in our eyes. We saw our perfect baby girl 3 times and then on 4th u/s there was no heartbeat...I knew as soon as the tech turned the screen away from me that our baby was gone...I was in so much pain and shock I remember I could hardly move and when Matt reached for my hand I couldnt even hold his hand. That was the worst day ever. I had a D&C a few days later and the fetus was tested...she was female and had what is called Turner Syndrome, a chromosomal problem that happens when sperm is joining the egg. Google it for more info lol. So we tried to pick ourselves back up and put ourselves back together...and keep our faith. That was in June/July and Emma came to us in Sept.....as i've said, God never does one thing without doing another...had I still been prego we would not have taken any foster babies at that time...He sent Emma to us for a reason.

Since then we have done a few more treatments that i dont feel like sharing at this point because they just arent pertinent and we are saving to do a better success rate procedure in the future...will keep u updated.

We also have a 2 month foster baby boy at this time who is just adorable...we got him when he was six days old. He will be leaving in a few weeks as he is going to be adopted with his one year old sister and we are unable to adopt two right now. We will miss him, I have grown very very attached to this one.

Time to feed the children...will update again soon. Thanks for reading, if anyone did.

Keep the faith.