blessings

ah well, it's been awhile since i blogged...actually, today I plan to start a journal for our foster baby, Elyssa....her name was Merissa, but we are changing her name since we are going to adopt...we have E names already picked out for our future children, so i didn't want her to feel left out. The names we have picked out are... Emily Rae (and the spelling could change to Emilee or something similar) Rae was my mom's middle name...Eryn Ree, Ree is matt's mom's middle name, Elsie Elizabeth (elizabeth is matt's sis's middle name and elsie was my grandma's name), Evan Matthew,(matthew is my hubby's name), and Ethan William( william is both my dad's name and matt's dad's name)...elyssa's middle name is Marie...we aren't going to change it because that is matt's grandma's name...lol...so, if God blesses us with more babies, their names are ready! With fertility procedures, you never know what will happen! We would like to do our second IUI in October, but we are waiting to hear when we will adopt Elyssa. Sept 15 we have a court hearing to set the date to terminate the parents rights (yay!) that should happen quickly, then it gets turned to the adoption department and they set the date for adoption. We are super excited and super thankful for the opportunity to adopt. We NEVER thought that we'd be able to adopt our first foster baby! I thank God every day for this blessing. I was thinking of His blessings the other day...we did our IUI in march and found out it didn't work around march 13th...the same day we got a placement call for a newborn boy, that we decided not to take because we were leaving on a much needed vacation the next week, and with CPS, you have to get approval from judge before taking foster baby on vacation, anyway so we refused placement, went on vacation for 5 days and the following monday we got the placement call for Elyssa. I had called my placement worker the previous week and she got my message early monday a.m....i was asking if there were any placements because we were getting anxious for a baby and upset from the negative IUI...so when she heard about a babygirl placement in Lufkin on the same day, she thought of us. If our IUI had been positive, i never would have placed that call to her, and i feel we never would have been placed with Elyssa. It's AWESOME how God works!! I can't imagine life without her....she makes the infertility bearable now. Don't get me wrong, we still want (badly) children of our own..or just for me to be able to get pregnant, but we are thankful for God's mercy in providing for our needs and desires. Infertility is a big part of our lives...it plays a role in everything that we do....matt's sis and her hubby are going thru IF, and matt's cousin had twins thru IVF, and she was never to have children, as she was born without ovaries. But God works for the good of those who love Him and i know He will bless me with a pregnancy in His time. I'm at peace with that. Finally. Our fost/adopt experience has blessed not only us, but our entire family and many friends too.....we have a couple that we are very close to and i've known for many years...they have tried getting prego for about a year and just haven't been able to, and because of us, they start their PRIDE classes tonite so they can become foster parents! I am so happy for them! I know God will bless their lives with both foster babies and biological babies...but He needs special parents for special children that don't have anyone to love them. This is the way He works....denying one need to fulfill another. It brings tears to my eyes. I told my good friend just yesterday....don't worry bout the storm, learn to dance in the rain....because some of the worst storms bring out the most beautiful rainbows. A few days before Elyssa came to us we had a big storm and after the storm a HUGE rainbow was literally going across our 4 acres.....the whole rainbow! it was so beautiful and looking back, i think was a sign from God....one of those "Godwinks" if you've read the books. So, that's my story for now...oh and i'm staying home right now, studying medical transcription so i can eventually work from home...money is tight and i may have to go to the hospital or something a few nights a week later on to help with the finances, but we are ok right now. i know God will provide, and worrying won't change anything...He takes care of His own.
bye for now and have a blessed day!
Lori

our new addition.....

YES!! we do have a new addition! A 6 month old baby girl named Merissa from foster care! We got "the call" monday, march 30 while I was at work. My foster/adopt worker asked me if i'd be interested in a legal risk 6 month old healthy baby girl and i said yes, but had to make sure Matt agreed, and he said yes! She was brought to us from Lufkin that night around 8pm. Legal risk means that she will most likely be adoptable....her parents rights will probably be terminated. Mom has had 7 removed and adopted out..merissa is number 8. So far, everything is working out great...mom didn't show up for court, they don't know who dad is and family wants us to adopt, so if things stay this way, we should be able to adopt in about 6 months!! We received her about a week after coming home from vacation! I couldn't believe how GORGEOUS she is! When they brought her in, i just couldn't stop staring at her. I can't post pics yet (foster care rules) not until adoption, but she really is beautiful....dark brown curly hair, and alot of it, and light blue BIG eyes....she has hispanic and caucasian and she is just so pretty.....everywhere we go, people stop and stare at her and have to look closer!! I feel proud, though God knows i didn't create her. Many people say...that mom needs to be "fixed" so she can't keep having babies and not taking care of them....part of me agrees, but the other part, the largest part, the part of me trying to make people understand that God's ways are way bigger than any plans we may have, says that if she had been "fixed" after losing baby #1, we would not have Merissa today....and she is truly a blessing....plus, the others that were adopted probably made a huge difference in the lives of whoever adopted them. We are still going to continue fertility treatment, as i had ordered $400 worth of injectable meds last month, and we have one vial of donor sperm left, but i'm not quite ready to do it......i want God to tell me when to do it, as i want this next IUI to be "the one" and there is so much going on right now that i feel He wants me to wait. Merissa is a joy....she's so happy and only fusses when she's hungry,wet,dirty or tired.....she makes us very happy....we never thought the first foster baby we got would be adoptable, but we would be SO happy if that is in God's will. For anyone going thru infertility, I would recommend going thru fost/adopt thru CPS....not only are you helping out a defenseless child, you are getting your mind off of the struggles of infertility and onto helping and raising a child of God. Don't get me wrong, adopting thru foster care will NOT take the place of becoming pregnant and carrying for 9 months and having a child that's part of me, not in my eyes, but it is something to make u feel happy and so blessed. I feel that God is pleased we are doing this. I want to do it more. I think anyone would be GREAT at it...anyone who is a Christian and wanting to make a difference. Well, gotta go get the baby up and ready! i will be back soon!

ahhh patience please

so, beta bloodwork this a.m. was a BFN...big fat negative for those of u who don't speak IF..infertility. I was prepared, had done HPT's, home preg tests and they were negative...i surely did not feel prego. But we are okay. I have to wait a month, then start back in april, because my RE wants to try injectables next...higher success rate. They are overseas and take a couple of weeks to come in. So i'm on a break....vacation next week (so excited!) and we will try again in april.....i have a feeling that will be the one. I pray so. We did have good news today...CPS called and had a 4dayold baby boy placement...we declined because of the vacation and other factors. He would probably not have been permanent,meaning we prob. would not have been able to adopt, and we want to do that. I did pray about it, and told the CW (caseworker) that if she could find a temp placement, we would take him when we get back from vacation....but she ended up finding someone to keep him for whoever knows how long. This is okay for us....i would have to take a leave of absensce from my job when we get a placement, due to developing the bond and the routine, and this is a big deal for us....we know God will tell us when it's the right placement. But this was our first call since we got licensed in jan, and so we were excited! I felt like God sent me that call....which was within an hour of receiving the BFN Beta test results...i felt like He said..'don't worry...see, i can send u all kinds of HOPE....chin up and keep moving forward!" He is so wonderful in helping me deal. I will spend this next month by preparing my body better for pregnancy...and also prepare my heart. We definitely need to spend some time in church...we haven't joined one yet here. Please pray God leads us to the right one. We kinda feel like the "only older couple with no kids", and this is stressful for us....we want to go there to worship and be obedient to God, not to feel....like the third wheel or left behind. The first thoughts i had after my negative test result was from the show "Facing the Giants"...PRAISE HIM WHEN YOU WIN...PRAISE HIM WHEN YOU LOSE....i thanked him immediately for even giving me the opportunity to TRY to become prego...some can't. He is great and i know we will be blessed.....maybe more than we know. And at this time, i am just looking forward to vacation with my loving hubby next week...a time to re connect and NOT think about IF every second.
God Bless!

I am in the 2 week wait!!!

yes, we did our IUI yesterday, and I am feeling VERY positive about it!! There were no problems, and it went well. The sperm count was 51million which is great with motility of 70% which is also great. I had 3 follicles on tuesday, one on left measuring 20.4mm, two on the right measuring 15.6 and 11.8mm....because we had some trouble getting my prog.level up, we had a few days between that follie check and the IUI, so i'm curious as to how BIG those follies actually got!! Anyway, I'm still taking meds and tues i start progesterone supp. (fun) and i have bloodwork on the 9th(my bday) to check my prog level again, consult with doc on the 11th (the day before my anniversary) and beta (preg)test on the 17th.....i will prob POAS (pee on a stick) on the 12th if aunt flo hasn't shown up..which i pray she doesn't!!! I also have to take two more injections of HCG, which will help with implantation of the fetus, on the 6th and the 10th...this will give me a false positive when i POAS, so i will have to be careful with tesing. I will probably start testing the day after my last injection, the 11th, and test until i get a negative, then if i get a positive after that i know i'm prego. Ahhhhh, the fun life of infertility! lol My hubby is excited and he is so positive....for once...lol that sounds bad, but his condition, the Klinefelter's, causes some feelings of pessimism, so when he's more optimistic than me, LOOK OUT!!! We are praying alot more together lately, and I think God is really speaking to him. In fact, right before the insemination, matt grabbed my hand and said "let's pray one more time before the nurse comes back." It really touched my heart...of course he wants me to pray out loud...he rarely does, his faith is quiet, his relationship with his God is calm, private. I always pray that one day he will be more open about his relationship with God....at this point i am just happy he has one. So, that's what's going on with us!!
jen....side note to you...thanks for the encouragement and prayers!! we need all the prayers we can get!
till next time......

busy busy busy

well, first of all, sorry for the delay in blogging....Yes, I do have an excuse, I've been busy with fertility appointments and I had a tooth pulled (yuck) that has been infected and also ear infection to go along with it....it sucks that nurses seem to always stay sick, when I feel like I take care of myself...anyway, tomorrow I go to my fertility doc to get an u/s done to check my follicle size...see if the eggs are getting ready to hatch...lol. I took Clomid for 5 days, and if my follies look great tomorrow we will be doing IUI on wed or thurs. This will be our first, and hopefully our last. We have to do fertility treatments because my sweet hubby was diagnosed with a genetic condition called Klinefelter's which can cause infertility...he has low sperm count among other things. Anyway, We have been trying to get prego for four years, we started as soon as we got married...after a year I knew something was wrong, and I went to a specialist. After alot of testing on both of us, they found the problem. People ask me if I feel....upset because my husband makes conceiving hard on us......it's not my hubby's problem,it's OUR problem together...he does not hold all the burden. We understand that God guides Christians thru certain challenges, obstacles, to test our faith.....this has certainly brought us closer together..and closer to HIM. I could not ask for a better hubby....he is compassionate, kind, sensitive, loving, and so good to me. He loves the Lord and that is the best thing! We have been married for four yrs...well , it'll be four on march 12th, and we have been together almost nine yrs. I know that no matter how/when/where we get children...he will be an awesome dad. I know that God will take care of us. So, say an extra prayer for us, that the IUI will work. I know it is heartbreaking for tests/procedures not to work, we've already been thru other tests/surgeries, etc, that did not produce the results we wanted, but it helps to know that God is in control. I have FAITH that He is doing what's best for us.
I will write more soon.
have a blessed, not stressed week!

ok, try to remember i'm a newbie here!

hi! ok, i am definitely new to this blogging thing...myspace has been keepin me busy, but since I love to write, I thought this could be a good place to vent and keep up with some friends and vice versa. I want to thank sweetjenn for showing me this blog site, as I've been keeping up with her and her sweet fam thru this site. You'll have to excuse me, I don't have pics up yet...still trying to figure all this out. So, let's start at the basics...my name is Lori, and I am married to Matt...we live in Kirbyville,Tx, but I grew up in Groves, TX and we moved here almost two years ago...it'll be two years in june. We just wanted some land, somewhere close to the lake and somewhere we could hunt,fish, four wheelin, muddin, and just quiet country living. We absolutely love it here, even though remodeling on the house seems to be a lifelong process! Before you ask, no, no kids at the moment. In another blog, I will go all into the fertility situation...or should i say INfertility situation, but not tonight. We became licensed foster/adopt parents two weeks ago and are awaiting a placement, hopefully infant/newborn baby, but we are certified for 0-3 years, male or female. Super excited about this.
I am a nurse, LVN at a medical clinic here in town and my husband is a welder in Vidor. I'm thinking about either opening up a candle/soap business on our property (we have an old storage building that used to be a gas station on our property) or working from home as a medical transcriptionist....for when we have kids. But we will see what God's plans are.
I have been a Christian since 1992 which is when I joined Hillcrest Baptist Church in Nederland and that experience changed my life...made me who I am today. Leaving that church family was heartbreaking. I often think about my years there and the people that molded me and became my family, and I smile with happiness. I wish I had kept more in contact with them, but when I left the church after my mom died, my life spiraled downhill for awhile and a few years later when I thought about going back, the devil told me I would be judged and not accepted. Now, as I've turned back to God, I know that is not true. We are currently attending a church here in town that we have not joined yet, as my hubby was working graveyards and just got moved to days, so our visitation to the church had been sporadic and we now want to pick back up and strengthen our relationship with God and attain a church family and Christian friends in this area that we can have a Christian relationship with.
Whew, that was alot to say for the first time, and I have plenty more, but I want to be able to write more next time. I am at the point in my life where i am trying to pick up with God from where I was many years ago, and it is a learning process. I look forward to meeting new bloggers on here that have advice/encouragement, etc.
We are planning a fertility procedure this month and I hope you will pray for us......we are nervous, but after almost four yrs of infertility meds/treatments, we know it's all in God's hands.
well, i look forward to tomorrow and i'll be back.
God bless ya!

Lori