so, beta bloodwork this a.m. was a BFN...big fat negative for those of u who don't speak IF..infertility. I was prepared, had done HPT's, home preg tests and they were negative...i surely did not feel prego. But we are okay. I have to wait a month, then start back in april, because my RE wants to try injectables next...higher success rate. They are overseas and take a couple of weeks to come in. So i'm on a break....vacation next week (so excited!) and we will try again in april.....i have a feeling that will be the one. I pray so. We did have good news today...CPS called and had a 4dayold baby boy placement...we declined because of the vacation and other factors. He would probably not have been permanent,meaning we prob. would not have been able to adopt, and we want to do that. I did pray about it, and told the CW (caseworker) that if she could find a temp placement, we would take him when we get back from vacation....but she ended up finding someone to keep him for whoever knows how long. This is okay for us....i would have to take a leave of absensce from my job when we get a placement, due to developing the bond and the routine, and this is a big deal for us....we know God will tell us when it's the right placement. But this was our first call since we got licensed in jan, and so we were excited! I felt like God sent me that call....which was within an hour of receiving the BFN Beta test results...i felt like He said..'don't worry...see, i can send u all kinds of HOPE....chin up and keep moving forward!" He is so wonderful in helping me deal. I will spend this next month by preparing my body better for pregnancy...and also prepare my heart. We definitely need to spend some time in church...we haven't joined one yet here. Please pray God leads us to the right one. We kinda feel like the "only older couple with no kids", and this is stressful for us....we want to go there to worship and be obedient to God, not to feel....like the third wheel or left behind. The first thoughts i had after my negative test result was from the show "Facing the Giants"...PRAISE HIM WHEN YOU WIN...PRAISE HIM WHEN YOU LOSE....i thanked him immediately for even giving me the opportunity to TRY to become prego...some can't. He is great and i know we will be blessed.....maybe more than we know. And at this time, i am just looking forward to vacation with my loving hubby next week...a time to re connect and NOT think about IF every second.
God Bless!
2 comments:
I am so sorry to hear about your neg results. I know it's a stressful wait and I also know the "let down" of the results when it doesn't come back the way you want. Walking down this road with Lindsey has opened my eyes to those with your struggles. I appreciate people like ya'll who are willing to share your story with those of us who don't know what it's like to be in your shoes. Keeps us all grounded, I think.
I applaud your positive attitude, though. How incredible it is that when God said No to one situation that He turned around and provided a completely different blessing. I love it when we see Him work like that.
We will continue praying for you. God's grace and provision in greater than we can see and sometimes that's all that carries us through.
I have an award for you!! It's waiting on my blog.
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